augie and homeies, cody, tory, nicole


When my daughter was in her tween years, around 8th grade, she had friends over a lot.  Some who just sort of lived with us.  I was pretty used to it.  No one really behaved too badly, but on one particular day Augie was acting up.  She had an attitude.

Usually, Augie was the mellowest of my children — and as a middle child, she knew how to make peace and keep everyone around her happy.   This time, however, she was talking back to me, and finally I lost my patience.  In utter frustration I exploded.  And here is what I yelled at my 13-year old daughter:  “You…..you….you……..TWAT!!!”

Me and Augie

Me and Augie

Twat came flying out of my mouth and it was too late to take it back.  So, now I looked her in the eyes with serious conviction, as if to reaffirm my insightful and perceptive remark.  But inside I’m cringing, thinking, “I just called my daughter a twat.  What kind of a mother calls her daughter a twat?” Still, there I was not taking my eyes off of her as she tramped down the long hall, incredulous, saying over and over, “I can’t believe you called me a twat?!!”  Then wounded Augie stops.  A beat.  She spins around on her heels and screams, “What’s a twat??”

“Oh, well, Augie, it’s like a bad word for vagina.  It’s kind of like calling someone a cunt.”


Excitedly, she ran into her room where she and the girlfriends who’d overhead our argument started squealing and repeating twat over and over again.  For hours, that word was all I heard from her room.  Then, on Monday, they took it to school with them.  Twat spread like wildflower over Paul Revere’s campus.  The hot word until then had been phat.  Which sounds like fat but means great.  But now the kids were saying twat and Augie was there to teach them the meaning.   When you look it up in the Urban Dictionary, it says it’s a great word to shout out.  I couldn’t agree more.

Well, thanks to the Duke family — we’re taking a bow— at least those kids learned something in middle school.

Augie’s Mom’s Famous Chocolate Chip Cookies
Follow the Tollhouse or any other semi-sweet chocolate chip cookie recipe but switch the white sugar for Turbanado and add a few Tablespoon’s less flour than the recipe on the back of the bag calls for. I add macadamia nuts.

Below is Augie Duke today where she can “act out” all the drama she wants on screen. I never called her a twat again. And, I’m not sure I ever called anyone a twat before or after. Enjoy the clip!

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7 Responses to “Word”

  1. Augie Duke says:

    Mom …. You YOu you ‘ TWAT”

    I love this and i love you beyond

  2. pauli says:

    I’m now convinced that you are the best mother in the entire world for this marvelous, back handed apology to your very gifted daughter who makes me feel, sadly so very fucking old!

  3. Debi fries says:

    You are the only person that can actually get away calling your child a name like that because you are so genuine and honest! Love that about you Fredde and the way you combine it with cookies is even better!

  4. Joy aroff says:

    Fredde. it has taken me a lifetime and a half to learn a four letter word and its meaning. Don’t think I missed anything. The “c” word was hurled at me once ot twice. Didn’t feel too good, especially after learning what it meant. Would you say i was a slow learner in some respects?
    Sweetening up with cookies was wise decision. Luv to you and Augie.

  5. Joy Aroff says:

    The MOST important thing, I forgot. You are really the most delightful writer. It just bubbles out of you somewhat like our little old soap bubble pipes did, maybe they still do. Or perhaps a water faucet, just flows unrestrained. You could write about anything and make it fun.

  6. Linda says:

    I love the word twat … use it all the time. It’s my go-to word … 😉

  7. robin says:

    love. twat. cunt. augie. you.
    feel like a stalker…

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