When I have a party, I try to invite everyone. I really do. And if my best friend has another best friend, I invite the other best friend. I include the world. If I happen to run in to you (random person reading this) a week before said party, I will invite you even if we’re not the best of friends. I even like it when people crash my parties or when someone calls me and says boldly “Do you mind? I hear you’re having a party and I’d really like to go.” What I LOVE about that is that the person who makes that kind of call, does know me. They know, I’m so happy to include everyone.
I believe I got this from my mother who would say, “You have to invite the whole class, not just some.” Or my dad, who carried his entourage around with him, leaving no one out. Both my parents never let anyone’s feelings get hurt.
One day, in maybe the 5th or 6th grade, a girl named Debby had a party and it seemed like she invited just about everyone. Except me. And maybe the worst part was that she included my best friend Susie. It felt like a real slight. On that particular weekend of Debby’s party, I remember feeling very alone on Saturday night. Susie and I were pretty inseparable.
When I was in my thirties, I ran into Debby at Nate n’ Al’s. I was with my kids, but darted over quickly to give her a piece of my mind. I stood at her table, and I’m sure it came off as aggressive, not even remotely funny, and told her that it was very messed up to invite Susie and not me to that party in grammar school. She looked at me like I was out of my mind. Hands on my hips, I was in full-blown regressive mode, giving my speech on the injustice of it all.
I was carrying around that hurt like it happened last weekend. I kept blabbering on and on about my feelings. She sat there very silent, then looked up at me and said in a monotone voice, “Ummm, I’m having a party next week, would you like to come?” Clearly she was strong-armed into inviting me to her new party – 25 years later –and damn it if wasn’t going to go!!!! When the day rolled around, I told my then husband that we had to go to a party that night and laid out the whole shameless story. I’m sure Debby was also explaining to her husband who I was and why she had to invite me. I wonder if she thought I knew about her current party and just went up to her to finagle an invite. I didn’t care. I went to the party. I’m not proud. And what a sport Debby was to finally include me!
Here is a cake Susie Lohn and I would make on Saturday nights … you know, when she wasn’t at people’s parties from which I’d been snubbed.
We made a devils food chocolate cake with Marshmallow Frosting. Lets be honest, we were retro– well, it actually was the 60’s so we used the mix. Either Betty Crockers or Duncan Hines. And I’m okay with you doing that. I’ll look the other way.
RIP, Dorothy Lohn …..today, July 15’th, 2011 Susie was with her mother when she died. I would like to celebrate Dorothy who was so funny and spirited and never said no. Seriously, YES was her answer to slumber parties each weekend and just about anything else we wanted. I want to thank Dorothy for insisting I do the dishes at the Duck Club when I told her I just didn’t know how (age 14). I wasn’t bullshitting, I really didn’t know how. She offered to teach me. Dorothy was really Susie’s real best friend in life. And I was lucky to have been a little part of her life in those crucial years when I could be thin skinned and she tried to teach me to have a thicker one.
Marshmallow Frosting (on any devils food cake and we put a dot or two of red dye to make the frosting pink)
what you need
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) margarine or butter, softened
1 jar (7 oz.) JET-PUFFED Marshmallow Creme
1 tsp. vanilla
1 pkg. (16 oz.) powdered sugar
1 to 2 Tbsp. milk, divided
make it
PLACE butter, marshmallow creme and vanilla in small bowl; beat on medium speed until well blended. Gradually add sugar, beating after each addition until well blended.
BLEND in 1 Tbsp. of the milk. Add remaining 1 Tbsp. milk if necessary for desired spreading consistency.
kraft kitchens tips
me and Susie at the beach back in the day
Susie and me, adults
Tags: being snubbed, Beverly Vista school, devils food cake with marshmallow frosting, Dorothy Lohn, fredde duke, Freddy Duke, kids parties, Nate n' Als deli, pink Marshmallow frosting, retro cake, slumber parties, Susie Lohn
So….after all that…was Debby’s party fun or interesting? Sorry about Dorothy. Love that she got you to do some dishes. Clever lady. xoxo
Great story Fred…and so sorry about Dorothy. She really was the best! How old was she? Do you talk to Susie very often? Haven’t seen her in so many years. Please pass on my condolances….hope she comes to the reunion.
Sweet story. I can relate to never having washed a dish until a certain age. I remember wanting to wash dishes when I was little, but my mom was afraid I’d break them. When she finally let me I felt it was a rite of passage, like getting your driver’s license. You bring out great memories, Fredde.
Give my best to Chooch.
I wrote a comment but then my computer crashed, so not sure if you’ll see my previous comment or not, so here goes, I’ll try again. I was one of those girls left out of many a party, so I really admire your hutzpah in holding Debby accountable and the way you did it! Makes a great story too! In fact, my eldest daughter was over visiting this morning and I read this post to her and she said, “she’s a fabulous story teller!” I agree wholeheartedly! I love your photos, but even without photos your words paint the picture perfectly. You make me want to go out and buy a Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker cake mix and throw a party. Of course if I actually did throw a party I would most definitely invite you!
I just love you – the Blog – your memories – your love!!
Simply fabulous!! xxoo
You are invited … please visit soon.