Archive for December, 2013

Oh Christmas Tree

Monday, December 23rd, 2013


No wonder I rarely got a tree.  It’s just too much work.  Going out to buy it.  Schlepping it home.  Carting it inside.  Pine needles everywhere.  Finding the box with the decorations in storage.  Untangling the lights.  Discovering that only some are still working.   I’m not that together.   I have zero organizational skills.  Hey, if magical elves appeared in my home to set up the tree, and I didn’t have to go to the lot or do anything, I would reconsider.

And then, of course, there is the religion factor.  To get a tree or not to get a tree. Since half of me is Jewish and the other half vague, it’s easier to just call myself a Jew.  A tree never seemed to bother other Jewish families when I was growing up in Beverly Hills.  This time of year, everyone became his or her own Hollywood set decorator.  Each family outdid the next.  Talk about keeping up with the Joneses –only in this case the Jimmy Stewarts. (more…)

Order in the Court

Friday, December 6th, 2013


I just spent two long days with people that I will never see again.  They know me as juror #2474.

Lets go back to the beginning.  I ignored my summons.  I’ve never done this but all my friends are doing it.  So?  I don’t know one person who has done jury duty and they all keep telling me they throw the summons away.  I didn’t have the nerve (thank God, I’ll explain).  Then some weeks went by and a postcard from “them” arrived with a threat.  Apparently, I ignored my first summons (wt?) and in doing so, they can fine me $1500.  Fuck them. But now I’m scared so I follow the instructions on the postcard.  I register online and now I’m in the system and it just fucked everything up.  I have the week scheduled but at the time it seemed far away.  Suddenly at Thanksgiving weekend, I remembered and excused myself from a party to go home and watch the orientation video.  It’ s a series of several 10-minute videos, taking up an hour of your time with a questionnaire at the end of each boring video.  A prompt said to make sure we had the juror badge.  I hadn’t seen a juror badge so I searched for that original summons and opened it.  Sure enough, it was there so I was never going to be able to lie and tell them I didn’t get that first summons. (more…)